umbrellas and mothers

It was an eerie dream – pieces of my past all tumbled together ending with me standing in the rain trying to get my daughter where she needed to be.

The symbolism here is uncanny – me, spending much of my life holding “umbrellas” over my children, stepping in puddles and trying to avoid downpours all the while trying to point them towards the light, to a place where they belong and are flooded in sunshine. I, and all of the moms I know, do this, we “stand out in the rain” and are relentless warriors when our kids are involved. We never stop, no matter how many tears are spilled, disappointments are dealt, frustrations and discouragements converge and sometimes slow us down, but never stop us, only our last breath can do that - my mother told me this when my first child was born: "From the time he takes his first breath until you take your last, he will never leave your mind".

The moment in the dream was so intense – just a feeling more than a situation. I’m not sure what God was revealing to me – I don’t think it was anything specific but I think it was more of a flash of sustenance and support – telling me that I needed to keep the umbrella handy and that it was my purpose to protect them , to guide them, no matter how big the storm or how powerful the resistance – I knew best, I have the “umbrella” and tired as I might be or doubtful as I must feel, I open it each day because I know each day a little rain will fall somewhere. There will be a voice within me, sometimes whispering ever so faintly, but if I am still and am in spirit, I will hear it – this I am sure of. Well, that is the essence of my dream and this is the manifestation of its message. Thankfully, the sun is shining as I write this but my umbrella is there by the back door.

b u

p s

work

off to work - good bye summer...my positive self reminds me of how fortunate I am to be able to do what I do (my negative self whispers "I wish i could just stay home to piddle and paint"). and so begins school year 2011 - 12.

Cree Prophecy

When all the trees have been cut down,

when all the animals have been hunted,

when all the waters are polluted,

when all the air is unsafe to breathe,

only then will you discover you cannot eat money.

Cree Prophecy

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The Rising Sun

And still another day before me…it’s mine to do with whatever I choose. I had a terrifying experience yesterday so today seems all the more glorious. I am a bit of a hypochondriac – I’ll admit to this – especially when it comes to my kids – but I had noticed a suspicious mole on my back recently (I am the generation of baby oil and iodine tanning) and it had started to itch. Well, of course I “goggled” it and wouldn’t you know –an itchy mole can be a symptom of melanoma. Anyway, I had about buried myself by noon. My doctor worked me in at 2 and said not to worry (although I do now have recommendation to see a dermatologist for a checkup). Those few hours were so dark for me. I have no fear of death, at least I don’t think I do,( I am certain there is something wonderful on the otherside) but I have unbearable sadness when I think of leaving Elizabeth before she is grown, before she has her own life. I thought of my boys and how badly I want to know where their lives are taking them– they, the 5 of them, are what make my mortality so objectionable.

I know I am being overdramatic but that’s the nature of me – oversensitive and a bit too imaginative at times. So, I am here on this bright sunshiny day once again and I am even more aware of my life and pledge to take even better care of my health. My doctor recommended I read “the Paleo Diet” – I have it on order – a diet based on pre agricultural eating habits – hunting and gathering sort of stuff. I know I cannot be orthodox about it, but I will absorb and implement some of it.

Speaking of food, I have done a few things I wished I’d done differently with my children, as all mothers have, but I have done three things I am really happy about – they all have an awareness and  appreciation of the arts, whole foods, and spirit. For me, that is so important – three essentials in life - art, food, and goodness. I am very thankful – the rest is lagniappe.

 As I reread for grammar check, I hope I am not sounding like I am bragging about my children and my life – I hope I have the ability to project happiness and thankfulness, not arrogance and vanity, within the confines of this entry – for those qualities are distasteful to me. My life is “my life” made especially for me and I am thankful and I know it is not some random scattering from the universe – it is all in alignment, just as it should be. I am so thankful to have yet another day to explore and to celebrate this gift that expires in 24 hours.

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a midsummer dream

Elizabeth and I saw ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream “last night – yum – it was so well done and enchanting. It will be a special summer memory that she and I have shared, there amongst the political anguish/darkness that is occurring in Washington and presiding over summer, the ego driven politicians making decisions about our future – yuk. "Lord, what fools these mortals be!" - Puck from William Shakespeare's "Midsummer Night's Dream.
 Anyway, it was refreshing to be with our “theater friends” – so real, so lovely, so good.

 Today the sun has reappeared and I am flooded with optimism and happiness – I am back on track with my positive immersion. My family has been blessed with yet another day - what more is there? I hope to spend much of my day between the kitchen and the studio and the big news is my young chicks are laying!!! They are only 5 months old! Precocious little girls. I found a cluster of little brown eggs under the tractor yesterday – what a gift.

my new "mothers"

Just rambling, I need to go into my day, my present, and make good use of it. I am posting a few snapshots of midsummer – images that make it all work for me. 

ginger and rose of sharon

coops and crepes



empty til spring





My dad's birdhouses and next season's garden

me

my family

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