Ben Franklin and virtue

Ben Franklin began each day with “The Morning Question: “What Good shall I do this day?” and ended with “The Evening Question”: What Good Have I done today?” “(John C. Bogle)

I have read it (thanks to William), now I have written it, and , hopefully, now I will remember it – this is it – this is what true goodness is – getting out of your narcissistic self and doing good for others – everything else is self-serving.

For Goodness Sake

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positive energy

Life comes at you with such urgency – like listen up – I’m here but I’m not staying long, let’s get to business. We are just a blink in time – a whole life filled with extremes only takes a few years and most of those years, you don’t even know what the heck you’re doing!! At 57, I feel like I am just opening my eyes. All of a sudden that broad space of tomorrow has left the foreground and I’m looking through my rearview mirror. I know , now, that each moment of my life is about choices – I choose to be at peace or to be in resistance of the universe and I know, now, that if I choose peace I will be positive and if I choose resistance, I will be negative – so why do so many choose to be negative?

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You

I have been writing “a book” for years now – it’s really a memoir of someone profound in my life – Miss Sue - . I can’t seem to complete it, however. I spent a little time with it this morning, just proofing, and I found this little piece I thought you might like , something you might connect with.

The days are going quickly, for the school year is closing. I can feel summer on my face; I can see the vibrant sunsets late in the day and the puffy white clouds that fill the summer skies and allow me to daydream for just a short while. I am, of course, grown up now and do not seem to notice all those signs of summer as often as I would like, for I am inside much of the day, distracted and waiting for the coolness of the evening and the sounds made after sundown. This sort of exclusion from the natural world was never a part of Miss Sue’s day; she was always in touch with it and guided by it; there were no rumbling of a central unit or clamorous noises from a flat screen. I think of this and I realize my compromise. I sometimes feel disdain towards this direction I have chosen. I should be there in the garden more and in the woods helping fallen birds and finding berries and watching Nature close up each day. I regret that I strayed yet thankful to, at least,  have the memories. The memories are sometimes what sustain me, “me” being my identity, for I, of course, have sustenance for life; it is the metaphysical “me” that sometimes gets lost. My life is rich, made that way by having my family, but as every wife and mother knows, somewhere some time ago, there was just  “you”. I search for her here at this keyboard and when I find her, I write, for here at the keyboard, I control my life and I find my way back. I hope that each word brings you closer to what I want you to know. Some days, like today, the words flow as if directed and some days they are tangled up and knotted and  I get stuck in the here and now , not allowed in my past because of the superfluous clutter of now. Today, however, I am free from current events and I hope to spend time with Miss Sue and her world.

Miss Sue's house painted by me when I was 15 (not so great but you can "get the picture"!

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John Wayne

It’s Monday, the beginning of the work week. I love my new job, inspiring and teaching young artists, but, as I said, it’s Monday. I am leaving many things undone here as I get to work by 8, but on the positive side, I have had a full and productive weekend. I painted mostly. As a matter of fact, when I have the time, I plan to post the painting I did yesterday on my blog – there’s a story to tell about it. The big thing I did this weekend was church – Elizabeth and I went to mass – the mission continues. I don’t feel I am a “lost soul” – I have an awesome relationship with God and I am most always spiritually connected, it’s the doctrine that is causing the disconnect.  We’ll see…It’s a journey for me.

Speaking of spiritualism, my dad’s favorite big screen guy was John Wayne – Big John. Elizabeth was searching the internet for quotes for her history class and left behind one she had printed but decided not to use. She has no idea who John Wayne is but for whatever reason, she left this behind on my desk:

“Tomorrow is the most important thing in your life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It’s perfect when it arrives and puts itself in our hands. It hopes we’ve learned something from yesterday.”

Thanks Dad.

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Driving

I have spent most of my summer vacation “driving Miss Elizabeth” around. We went to voice lessons, ballet classes, shopping, visiting, junking, touring, we went everywhere. It seems each day was something – maybe it was just a quick run to Walgreens for “Red –y” nail polish or maybe it was an all dayer to Magazine in New Orleans, whatever it was, I was the driver and she was the passenger. Well, I have always been a stay at home kind of person and she is too, but at 16, her stay at home and my stay at home concept are a bit different – there were many times I turned on that ignition with much reluctance and dread. Now, here in mid-august, I realize how much I will miss these days of “driving Miss Elizabeth”. She will be driving herself by the end of October. I won’t be in the car with her anymore, I won’t be the one she talks to and sings to; I’ll be home and she’ll be gone. I look back at all of the little nooks and crannies of her life that I discovered while driving her around – I know her favorite songs (they are now my favorite songs ), I know who she saw at the movies and how she liked it – I know what movie she saw! – I know what she’s wearing and how she’s feeling because of all that driving we do. I capture her life the instant it happens; I have a front row seat there beneath the steering wheel. I have to believe that she is wrapped up tight enough to me, to her core, that even though she stretches out to distant places, she will spring back to her center now and then and I will always be there.

Another chapter will soon close and while I look forward to my “freedom”, I will miss those “transient” moments “driving Miss Elizabeth”.

my little dress (my grandmother made) and elizabeth's favorite hat (when she was about 3)  hanging out together - awwww!

holding tight

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